I have decided to return to work and within a couple of weeks of applying for jobs, I had got myself an interview at my local County Court. How awesome!
And then I realised I'd have to have an interview (obviously) and I started to worry and freak out. I hadn't had an interview in 3 years. 3 years ago I was super confident, an interview would be no problem. But since having May-May I had lost quite a lot of that confidence, and the thought of trying to sell myself to a couple of strangers made me feel so anxious. And no matter how much OJ or my family & friends said I'd be fine, I worried.
I wondered what it was about becoming a parent that I lost my confidence. Was I the only person who experienced this? I asked some mums if they wouldn't mind sharing their experiences of confidence issues and these 3 wonderful ladies have.
My name is Claire I have 2 boys, age 6 and 8 and I make hair bows.
I'm Layla, 27. I have two children, Jacob 4 and Evelyn 2.5. I (try to) run an online business supplying stationary to small businesses like myself and brides to be called Sticker Belle. I'm a self confessed stresser, pram addict and wanna be Mary Berry.
Hi I am Stacey I run Lucky Penny Creations I make book sculptures and book page creations. I have a six year old son and four year old daughter.
2. Before having your child/children, would you say you were a confident person?
Claire: Before having my boys I was a very confident person
Layla: I 100% was a confident person! I was the centre of the party, my social life was amazing. I used to manage 500 temps a day, run their payroll weekly & deal with clients. Outgoing & bubbly would have been my tag line.
Stacey: Before having my children I was much more confident than I am now.
3. When did you realise your confidence had dropped? During pregnancy/after?
Claire: My confidence dropped after having kids
Layla: It was after pregnancy for me. More so 18m or so after my youngest was born. I suffered horrendously with PND , considered taking my life , I always thought my children would be better in care than with me. My son has development delays and we are currently undergoing an ASD diagnosis. My baby ( kind of) girl has anxiety, severe separation issues from me, has slept through maybe 5 times since she was born. Add all those together and you soon lose you and your confidence. For me, all I wanted was children. Never a career , my career was to mother my children, in my perfect life, with my amazing social life, I was going to breastfeed confidently in Starbucks whilst sipping my Tall Caramel Mac, looking fabulous. Other mothers would want to be me. It just doesn't happen! Especially when you have 0 confidence in everything you do , day in , day out.
Stacey: I noticed I had lost my confidence after having my second child.
4. Give an example of a situation you would have been fine in beforehand but has now changed?
Claire: I can't go into big crowds anymore and I hate talking to people on the phone who I don't know as it makes me very nervous
Layla: Every situation! I barely leave the house with both of my children on my own. I just can't do it. My anxiety and lack of parental confidence take over the situation & I panic. I joined Slimming World over a year a go. But getting me through those doors was a big, big task for my mum. 5 years ago, I'd have strolled in there and made sure everyone knew I was there. I wasn't worried due to my weight concern, but just having to talk to people. I'd hidden behind my children for 3 years. What would I talk about ? I had nothing to say that didn't involve my children. These small, beautiful , suffocating humans take over every ounce of your being & add being a SAHM mum for 4 years into that who doesn't like to go out, you become very isolated and lacking in confidence.
Stacey: I was always very loud and confident I worked in retail management, and was confident dealing with new people . I went from that to not wanting to go out and meet new people as I had completely lost my confidence
5. Do you still feel confidence is an issue for you or have you overcome this?
Claire: My confidence can sometimes stop me doing things but im slowly pushing myself to do things
Layla: I feel this will now be an evolving issue for me. I'm not ashamed to say I have to take meds every day to be able to handle life. I currently am looking to get back into work & that is where my confidence currently is lacking. Having the ability to be away from my kids for 8 hours a day and managing to talk to real people. 12 months ago, my confidence issue was with my sons diagnosis. I questioned everything I saw as an ASD trait. Was I seeing them? Was I imagining it all and putting him though these rigorous tests for no reason? Do my friends ACTUALLY like me or are they tolerating me? Is my other half only with me for the kids? My list is endless. But I also know it is utterly irrational. I am capable. I am strong. I AM AN AMAZING MUM.
Stacey: Over the last year I have been working on my confidence. I am more confident than I was a couple of years ago but still not completely back to how I was.
6. What tips/advice would you give another parent going through this?
Claire: My tips would be to take your time and to talk to people about it as lots of people go though it every day
Layla: It's okay to not be okay! My goodness it's okay. Don't hide away from any of it. There is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel, it may be around a bend so that you can't see but it's there.
Stacey: My advice is to talk about it with your partner and friends, and also take some time for you. It is important to practice self love. You can not pour from an empty cup.
Thank you to these lovely ladies for sharing their experiences. Losing confidence is a big issue but you are not alone. If you have experienced confidence loss, don't keep it hidden. Speak to someone, or write it down and let someone who you feel comfortable with read it. You got this!
-x- Michaela - x-
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